I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
