I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
