I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
