yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
third nipple confirmed
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
