A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
