if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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