i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
