he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
That accounts for only three of the penises
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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