guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
