I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize