Betty ford says i'm here all night
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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