I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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