perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
