I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
