Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize