i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
