My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
