Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
