I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
