I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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