Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
