On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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