ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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