My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
