All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
