His pubic hair was longer than his dick
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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