i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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