Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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