My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
