if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
