i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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