Sponge bath it is.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
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