So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
