my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
