I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Please don't give away my fajitas
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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