I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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