3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
