How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
