we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
