chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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