if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize