i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
