i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
