apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
