Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize