I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
