we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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