it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
