I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
