are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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