I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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