I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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