My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
