Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
