A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
