I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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