u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
