sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
