I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
