btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
