WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
