Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize