Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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