Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
