she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
