why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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