Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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