Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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