shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I puked a lego.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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