Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize